Are you trading your confidence with other’s insecurity ?

Abhilash was once having lunch with his colleagues who have been working with him from a good amount of time. When the lunch finished, being the most senior person on the table Abhilash thought of paying the bill. He took out his card for swiping which after multiple attempts didn’t work,before he could think of another option for payment one of his colleague said something that stunted him “hope you haven’t put the incorrect password intentionally”, silence took over and Abhilash felt extremely embarrassed at this comment and he started justifying himself and felt further more uncomfortable. He was confused at the same time trying to juggle with justification to correct the impression. It took him couple of days to settle down with this incidence at it would take him ages to forget. This incidence created huge amount of discomfort in his mind and heart and there was a distance which he felt with this colleague there on.

Have you experienced people commenting on your intent with no reason? Have you experienced being questioned in a very doubtful way? Have you felt let down with the way people have said something?

How do you deal with something like this?

First of all understand that unfortunately we are surrounded by a lot of negativity in today’s environment for multiple reasons. Be it at residences or workplaces there are chances you would come across people who doubt at every word, action and conversation.This is an indication of how insecurity has captured our minds and heart. While people do not mean to hurt, the language or gestures does that at times which as a result impact our inner confidence.

So, what’s the solution ?

Well my first advice to you is that you take a pause and understand that their language, thoughts and thinking is not your responsibility. And hence what they are saying/ doing or showing is manifestation of their mindset which you have no control over, so in many ways you have very less to contribute to.

Secondly, to keep your ground safe, rather than giving justification ask a question like in above example Abhilash’s rescue from the guilt trip could have been a question like ‘hey what makes you think like that?’ And the whole equation would have changed. So net net do not let others take control of your emotions. If you haven’t done anything wrong.. ask an honest question to understand what made them say/think like that.

Unfortunately in present environment unintentionally people are projecting their insecurities subconsciously through their words, actions and language. In order to preserve your confidence learn to deal with it versus getting effected by it.

Remember, confidence is a manifestation of inner security!

These two tips can help you save a lot of energy. Try that and share with me if that worked .. good luck !

 

 

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Jaya Bhateja
Jaya Bhateja
jayabhateja@abhyudayacoach.com

Jaya Is a globally certified life, leadership and Mentor coach! And the winner of 100 Best Global Coaching Leaders Award by world HRD congress (Feb 2017). Connect with her over the complementary session and she ensures you the value for your time!

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